


More Than A Crush

by iamfandomtrash99



Category: The L Word
Genre: F/F, LGBT, Lesbian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-26 17:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19010140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamfandomtrash99/pseuds/iamfandomtrash99
Summary: Reader finally decides to tell Shane, their best friend, just how they feel about her.





	1. Confession: Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> First part is a bit short, sorry! Just needed to get my foot in the door.

You sighed as you laid across the bed from Alice. You asked her if you could stay the night as you had a lot on your mind and needed someone to talk to and get you out of your head. She was always a good friend, even if she was a blabber mouth at times and panicked during stressful situations. Besides, she was the only one you felt like you could tell this to. 

“So what’s on your mind, dude?” 

You whined and rolled over on your back, staring up at the ceiling. 

“If I tell you, you can’t tell anyone till I get it worked out. Got it? I mean, if you have to tell anyone tell Merina or Jenny but make sure they know to keep their lips sealed. It’s just... Fuck... okay, I like Dana... and I’m fucking crazy about Shane, but I also have feelings for Tina.” 

You looked over at her, pouting. 

“Oh my fucking god,” she grinned like it was the most juicy thing she had ever heard. 

“Shut up, this is serious. I haven’t been with a girl in a long time. I’ve chosen the single life but honestly, it’s getting tiring and super lonely and I just... They’re all so beautiful and kind and... perfect.” 

“Well you know, Shane doesn’t do relationships.” 

You palmed your face and sighed, “I know, I guess I’m just hoping somehow I can change her mind I guess....” 

“And Tina and Bette-” 

“Yeah, I know. It just pisses me off how Bette treats her!” 

“Okay, and Dana is just about as inexperienced as you are. Its an awkward train wreck just waiting to happen.” 

“Awkward isn’t so bad. It’s kinda cute.” 

“Okay well, if you go for Shane good luck on not getting your heart broken. She’s cool and really does love deeply if you can get her that far. I mean, heartbreak is the whole reason she doesn’t want to get involved with anybody. Besides, she’s a complete fuckin womanizer.” 

“I think we’re pretty close to each other. We hang out a lot and I don’t think it would be too far-fetched to try. We just click.” 

“Well good luck. I think it really just comes down to want you want. I could see any of it.” 

“Thanks Alice,” you smiled. 

She smiled back.


	2. Confession: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader finally tells Shane.

"So, what you wanna do?" 

Shane asked as she laid on her bed, her head hanging slightly off it as she tossed a bottle of water in the air, catching it as it came down. 

You had called her and asked if you could come hang out, like you always do. Then like always she accepted. She didnt have any hair appointments and her afternoon and evening was completely free. 

You eased over onto the bed and looked at her, shrugging, "I dunno" 

You threw yourself back on the bed sighing, both of you laying opposite ways, your legs hanging off the bed still. 

"Could always watch a movie." 

"Name a movie that isn’t horror, romance or ridiculous action." 

"You got a point." 

"mhmm." 

"could listen to music and just chill" 

"yea we could." 

"unless you just wanna go out?" 

"what would we do exactly?" 

"eh good point." 

You giggled and she joined you, sitting up and shaking her head. She hopped off the bed and started looking through her CD collection. You couldnt help but look over at her and admire her. Fuck she was hot. Your lips parted as she moved. You quickly clenched your jaw and swallowed hard as she spun around, a few CD's in her hand. 

"Soooo The Stones, Guns N' Roses or Zeppelin?" 

"Zeppelin" 

She smirked and pointed at you with a wink before turning and popping it in. You sighed as you thought, looking back up at the ceiling. She tilted her head as she turned around and walked back over to the bed. 

"what’s up, dude?" she asked as she hopped up there with you. 

You shrugged and looked at her before patting the bed beside you for her to lay down. She gave you a slight reassuring grin and laid down beside you, staring up at the ceiling with you. 

You looked over at her and after a moment she looked at you as well. You moved and snuggled up to her, hugging into her side. She wrapped her arm around you and kissed your head, her fingers finding their way to play with your hair. 

"Dude, what’s up?" she asked, practically begging for an answer to your behavior. 

You buried your face into her chest, sighing and squeezing her. 

"I really fucking like you Shane...." 

She pushed you away gently but firmly, looking into your eyes, "You know how I feel about that...." 

"I know..." you looked down, your heart pounding in your chest and tears begging to fall. 

She sighed and pulled you close, holding you tightly. 

"and you're sure about that. You like me. Is that it or?" 

"I have feelings for you Shane. We're best friends and I just... I dunno.... The way I feel with you..." 

"You freaking little pisces nerd," she smiled and nuzzled your hair. 

"I’m stupid aren’t I....." 

"NO. You're not stupid. I’m just... Im me. Ya know? Commitment just isn’t really my thing..." 

"I know...." 

"But...." 

You pulled away and looked at her, confused and searching. She just gave a soft smirk. 

"I really like you too." 

You smiled and blushed, looking away, "shut up." 

"Serious," she smiled, "you're fucking gorgeous and you're my best friend. We like all the same shit and even when I’m an ass you forgive me and see right through the bullshit." 

You smiled and looked up at her, your heart stopping and breath hitching as she leaned in and kissed you softly. 

You both jumped as Jenny walked in. 

“Oh sorry,” she said quickly before closing the door. 

You both just laughed and shook your head before looking at each other. 

“So...” 

“So,” she smirked, “what would you like to do now that’s out of the way.” 

“um,” you blushed and squirmed, obviously not used to this kind of thing. 

“Okay. How ‘bout some rules?” 

“m’kay?” you said, unsure as you tilted your head. 

“Rule number one: No having sex till you’re ready.” 

“Sounds reasonable. Go on.” 

“I will not see anyone else but you. I promise.” 

“and you mean that,” you squinted. 

“Yes I do,” she said confidently. 

“Okay next.” 

“You’re welcome to stay whenever you like.” 

You smiled and snuggled up to her again, nuzzling into her chest. She smiled and rubbed your back and for a bit you both just laid there enjoying each other’s company and warmth. 

“Can I ask you something?” she asked, slightly tilting her head towards you. 

“Sure. Always. You know that.” 

“Were you serious about being a virgin?” 

You thought back to the time you were all hanging out at Shane’s sharing your first time or “coming out” experiences and you confessed you never had. 

“Um, yeah. Is that okay?” 

“Course its okay. Why wouldn’t it be?” 

“I dunno, some people don’t like to be with virgins. Especially people as experienced as you.” 

“What? No. Virgins are fucking awesome okay? There’s nothing wrong with that at all and don’t go feeling like ya have to either.” 

“Thanks Shane.” 

“I’m serious though. We won’t till you’re absolutely ready for that. I know you’ve been through a lot of shit. It doesn’t bother me none. I’m willing to wait for you as cliché as that probably sounds.” 

“It does sound a little cheesy.” 

“Shut up,” she groaned, ruffling your hair, “dork.” 

You just grinned and snuggled happily into her side.


	3. Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You haven't heard from Shane since your confession. Nobody had. Determined to find out why you go pay her a visit.

You jumped up off the couch as Mark helped Shane inside. You instantly noticed her bloody face and mouth, sending you into a panic and running to her side. The only reason you were there was to figure out why she hadn’t been showing up at The Planet or answering any of your calls. You knew now something serious was up. 

“What the fuck Mark?!” you screamed. 

“oh god...” Shane groaned, wanting to turn and walk away so you couldn’t see. 

You scooped her into your arms, throwing one of hers over your shoulder as you headed for her room. 

“Shane, what the hell?” 

“I didn’t do this. She called me stoned out of her mind on X and I went to get her and when I got there these two assholes had a hold of her. She started trying to fight them off and they started hitting back and I had to step in.” 

“Shane-” 

“Fuck just get me to my room please,” she snapped. 

You did as she requested, helping her to her room and shutting the door in Mark’s face. 

She stumbled over to the bed and laid down. She began rolling around and you sighed, going to the bathroom and grabbing a wet washcloth. When you came back you rolled her back over on her back and gently wiped at the blood on her lips and face. She looked up at you, watching you as you took care of her. 

“You don’t have to do this. I’ll be fine!” 

“No. I do. I want to. Now stay still.” 

She winced at the small cut on her cheek and you gently moved her bangs away from her eye to get a good look at the bruise forming. 

“Can I ask you something?” you asked softly. 

“Depends on what it is.” 

“What’s going on with you?” 

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” 

You sighed and slid down into the bed, pulling her close. You held her in silence till she fell asleep in your arms. You could tell she was hurting inside and you were determined to find out why. 

 

It really wasn’t much surprise when you woke the next morning to an empty bed. You sighed and got up, making her bed before showing yourself out. You decided to come back the day after, giving her time to breathe. To your surprise she wasn’t home but Jenny, Carmen and Mark were. You decided to just sit and wait for Shane. When she came in she kept her head down and went straight to her room, something she didn’t do often. They all seemed slightly worried and you could tell she didn’t notice you sitting there with them. Your heart pounding you stood, taking a deep breath before walking to her door and slowly opening it as you knocked softly. 

“Please leave me alone,” she said, sniffling. 

You could tell she’d been crying and you sighed. 

“Shane....” 

She looked over at you, just now realizing it was you. 

“Fuck...” she threw herself onto the bed, pulling a pillow over her face. 

You stepped inside and closed the door softly. 

“Please go away,” she whined as you stepped closer. 

“Shane....” 

“JUST GO!” she yelled, sitting up and pointing to the door. 

You jolted and stopped in your tracks, your heart practically ready to beat out of your chest. 

She sighed and looked away, curling her knees up to her chest, “I’m sorry...” 

You gently sat on the bed, watching her. 

She huffed, looking over at you with her head resting on her arm, “I went to confession for the first time in about 16 years.” 

“oh?” 

“Yeah. I guess for me that was the only real safe place to say how I feel.” 

“How do you feel?” 

She looked into your eyes, searching them. You looked into hers, searching as well. She blinked and nuzzled her face back into her arm, looking down at the bed sheets as she thought to herself. 

“Used,” she said plainly before looking over at you. 

You felt relief wash over you as she finally started to open up to you, yet your heart ached. You just hoped she didn’t feel like you were using her for anything. 

“Why?” you asked gently. 

She looked away again, taking in a breath. 

“I feel like everyone wants something from me.” 

“I don’t.” 

She smiled as she began to cry again, sniffling. She shook her head and wiped her tears with the sleeve of her shirt. 

“I’m serious.” 

She nodded and sniffled as she looked down. You sighed and scooted over closer, moving to wrap your arms around her before she pulled away and pushed you back. 

“Don’t touch me.” 

“O-okay,” you stuttered, “sorry.” 

She sniffled and curled up more into a ball, rocking slightly. 

“Shane I’m not going to hurt you. I don’t want anything but to take care of you. You’re my friend. It’s okay to let some people in. I know it’s burned in the past but not everyone will do that to you. I promise. You know me more than anyone.” 

Her eyes darted over at you before she leaned over into you, burying her face into you. You just slid your arms around her and held her as she cried. You played with her hair and rubbed her back, wiping her tears as they fell. 

“Okay now breathe. Remember to breathe.” 

She nodded and took a deep breath, wiping her eyes and groaning, “ugh this is so lame. Im sorry.” 

You smiled and leaned in, kissing her forehead gently. She instantly clung to you and you could tell by the force she really hadn’t ever let go like this before. 

You laid there holding her for hours till she finally fell asleep. You played with her hair gently, just taking care of her. Eventually you had to ask her just want she meant about being used. You knew she meant what she had said about you the other night but you also knew that she had feelings for Carmen. That was something she needed to work out on her own. You would be there to support her but you knew it was one of those things neither of you really had much control over. You were happy she made the decision to choose you but you both understood you were far from being a couple. However, you did want to check in with her and make sure nothing had changed but if it had you would understand if she needed to take a step back. She was obviously dealing with a lot more than she would ever tell you.


	4. The Lesboat

You stuck close by Shane as you boarded the ship. You followed them as Shane, Jenny and Carmen checked out their room, waiting outside as they walked in. 

“I thought this was supposed to be a suite.” 

“Well I have an idea. Why don’t we all sleep together and Carmen you can sleep in the middle.” 

You looked down and leaned against the wall in the small hallway, your heart aching. Neither of you told anyone anything yet and decided to keep everything on a need to know basis. You just hoped Shane wouldn’t think about it and would refuse. Why was Jenny acting so weird anyway over this whole trip? Shane didn’t need the bullshit right now. 

You just waited patiently and in a moment Jenny walked out past you, closing the door behind her. You could hear the muffled conversation between Shane and Carmen, picking up on how weird Jenny was acting. 

You looked up as the door opened, both of them keeping distance between each other. Carmen walked past, excusing herself. You exchanged glanced between her and Shane, unsure about the whole situation. She gave you a slight, knowing smirk for you to relax and walked toward you, putting an arm around your shoulder and pulling you along with her. 

“C’mon. Let’s go make the best of it.” 

You looked down, blushing as you walked with her. 

“Shane, do you want to make an exception for this trip?” 

She stopped and turned toward you, “what? No. No. Im not in the mood to hook up with anybody. Besides, even if I was I meant what I said.” 

You nodded in understanding and looked down. She tilted her head and tilted your chin up, looking into your eyes, “Can I stay with you?” 

“Of course,” you said, searching her eyes, “always.” 

She leaned in slowly, your lips almost brushing against each other’s before she pulled away. She turned and walked, grabbing your arm and pulling you with her. You could tell she wasn’t ready for intimacy right now. Everything was really eating at her. 

You were thankful she didn’t mind you clinging to her most of the trip. The ship was full of people and you hated crowds. They made you so anxious and insecure. You practically held onto her shirt the entire time. That’s what you loved about her. She just understood and conformed to you instead of trying to change you. When cutting through she would always go first, allowing you to either hold her hand or grab the back of her shirt as you maneuvered through. She never let you out of her sight for long and if she did she only left you with Alice for a few minutes. Anytime everyone went out to dance you decided to hang back and let them have fun, choosing to have a drink or read a book instead. 

Neither of you wanted to mingle much so you stuck to each other like glue, only really parting when it was time to go to bed. You made sure to keep some space between the two of you, careful not to smother her and let her deal with things the way she knew how. 

You were going to head home when you came back but she insisted to come with them back to their place. Hesitantly you agreed but you could tell she did it because of the Carmen issue. 

 

You followed Shane in silently, the two of you never speaking much around the others these days. You followed the others in, confused to see all of Mark’s camera’s and tapes splayed out on the table. 

“What are you doing?” Jenny asked him as you all approached. 

“What are those?” Shane asked as she looked down at the equipment. 

“They’re cameras.” 

“Um what are with all the tapes?” Carmen asked. 

You kept silent, just taking everything in as you normally did. 

“There’s something that I need to show you and then um after that I dunno you’ll probably want me out of here. Its gonna take me a day or two-” 

“What’s going on Mark?” Shane interrupted, deeply concerned. 

“I just finished taking down the last of the cameras. I pretty much had them all over the house. Jenny saw a tape I made of the two of you” 

“Shit,” Carmen cursed and turned away. 

Shane looked down, terrified. Your heart sank, not knowing exactly what that meant but yet not liking the sound of it. 

Jenny picked up the tape and handed it to Carmen before walking out. Carmen read the label and looked up at Mark before shoving it into his chest and walking out leaving just Shane, Mark and you. 

You took a step back, unsure rather to stay or leave. They both hung their heads and you could see Shane trying to work it out in her mind. 

She took a step forward and began looking over all the tapes and cameras. You stormed out of the room into hers, slamming the door behind you as you began to fall apart. 

Carmen walked out and briefly made eye contact with Shane before leaving. Mark stood there with his head down in shame at what he did. She picked up a camera, examining it before looking at him angrily and full of hurt. 

She sniffled and walked over to him, close to tears as her heart ached. 

She looked up at him for a moment before punching him as hard as she could. As he slowly turned back she threw the camera, emotion taking over. 

FUCK.


End file.
